To help me on the course of study, I joined a local life drawing class that I had seen asking for new members via Facebook. I was quite nervous at joining the group, as I realised I would be interacting with people in ways that may feel a little uncomfortable to begin with. Firstly, I was joining a long-established group of people – always a bit tricky. Secondly, I was going to interact with a nude person. So, two levels of discomfort! I had drawn nude life models before, but very rarely and a long time ago. Nudity is not the default state in our society – it’s something kept behind closed doors, in privacy. When another person is present and nude, it is often with a sexual context (or at the Doctor’s!). However, it is also how we are born, how we are naturally and who we physically are under the clothing – we are just a human body.
When the model disrobed, I could feel her vulnerability. 25 pairs of eyes were on her – male and female eyes, young and old. I wondered if she was cold. I wondered if she was embarrassed. I wondered if she enjoyed the experience. Whether she did it just for the payment? Was she bored? I wondered what the others in the room were thinking. So, my feelings revolved around my own mild discomfort and my wonder, at what she and others were feeling. It was quite an intense start.
As the process of drawing began and over the subsequent weeks, the situation became much more relaxed. The wonder left, replaced by studying shapes and form. I began to understand that life drawing is partly about physics, maths and biology and not just about feelings – feelings about the situation and the model. You measure, you consider gravity, light, dark, flesh, bones and sinew. I did find emotion as I drew models, as you have to look at them for so long there is an element of care for them in the act of drawing. You appreciate their time and discomfort for your benefit. You admire the curves and lines of their body as a beautiful, shared thing. I found making the process quite a detached at the beginning of a session (measuring, shapes etc) helped me cope with the initial vulnerability of the model (and myself in that situation) – but after a number of minutes the emotion would be allowed space.
I actually, ultimately, found it harder to draw people I know. As, having proper relationships with the sitters made discomfort come from embarrassment of asking them to do something for you, that is strange to them. Staring at someone who isn’t a paid, experienced model is a little disconcerting for both people. Nude poses were out of the question with someone familiar, as there is a feeling that it changes the rules of a relationship with the known person.
With a person I knew it was far easier to make casual sketches of them doing things they normally do, such as sitting on the sofa reading, watching TV, sleeping or eating. But the emotion of care did kick in during the process more easily, as I knew the faces, bodies and what makes the person tick so well. I don’t know that this made better drawings though – as it was too easy to stop looking as closely and stop making more accurate shapes, as you draw what you think you know rather than what you actually see when the object (person) is so familiar.
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